During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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