I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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