McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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