How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
