She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
