DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
