she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you never un-have a 4some
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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