I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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