...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
