Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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