so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize