There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
