We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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