You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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