my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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