This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
