What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
