Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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