$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
