After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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