I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
