the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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