Don't you send me to vm
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
