Duck Duck Cougar?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
