She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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