I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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