he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
