Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
