Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
