They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
