somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
