I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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