Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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