I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
