I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
