I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
