Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
