Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
