is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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