1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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