i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
