After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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