Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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