How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
