Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
