I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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