we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
