she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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