Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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