What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
