There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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