Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
how drunk are you?
Several
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
