Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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