My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
