john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
