A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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