She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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