The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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