chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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