he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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