Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
