I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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