i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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