And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
try to milk me bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize