If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
