Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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