you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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