I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
