I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
