I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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