Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
