Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
