am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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