just come out here and I will go home with you...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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