i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
