so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
